英语幽默笑话集锦

◆Teacher: “Tommie, what do you know about the Dead Sea?” Tommie: “I didn’t even know it was ill.”

◆Teacher: “Here is a world map. Who can show us America?”(Tom goes to the map and finds America on it. )Teacher: “Now, tell me, boys, who found America?” Pupils: “Tom.”

◆A boy was wondering about a photograph in a newspaper. It showed a group of happy and cheerful children carrying schoolbags with the caption at the bottom: “On Their Way to School”. “I think it’s mistaken. They must be on their way home after class, I’m sure!” the boy concluded.

◆Geography teacher: “What is the consequence of the breaking up of the former Soviet Union?” Student: “It means that we have more names of new countries to remember.”

◆Math teacher: “Now remember, class, statistics don’t lie, For example, if twelve men could build a house in one day, one man could build the same house in 12 days. Do you understand what I mean? Jack, give me an example.” Jack: “You mean that if one boat could cross the ocean in six days, six boats could cross the same ocean in one day.” Biology teacher: “Johnnie, can you give a familiar example of the human body that adapts itself to changed conditions?” Johnnie: “Yes, ma’am. My aunt gained 50 pounds in a year, and her skin never cracked.”

◆Teacher: “Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” Student: “Well, the days are much longer in the semmer than in winter.”

◆Mary has been going to primary school for a week. At the end of the first week her father asked her: “Which period do you like best at school, dear?” May thought for a while and answered: “I like the break period best.”

◆During the final examination, some pupils were so eager to answer the questions that they forgot to fill in the blanks for the class, name, date, etc. on the front page of the examination paper. The teacher considered it necessary to remind them of filling all the blanks. She declared: “Now, attention please! Fill in all the blanks before you do the questions.” “Shall I fill the blank for the marks?” one pupil asked.

◆A teacher was asking a pupil in her class.” Tommie, how many persons are there in the classroom?” “Forty-one, including you, ma’am, ”Tommie answered.” Then, how many are left when I go out?” the teacher asked again.” None, madam.”

◆“What do you think of the relationship between ‘deceit’, ‘failure’ and’ success’?” the 1st pupil asked the 2nd pupil. “I think deceit will lead to failure,” the second answered. “Yes, ”the first pupil went on,” but failure is the mother of success.” “So no deceit, no success, ”concluded the 1st pupil.

◆Teacher: “Why are you often late for school?” Student: “Because the sign said: School Zone, Go Slow!”

◆Phys. teacher: “Which travels faster, heat or cold?” Student: “Heat. You can catch cold.”

◆Math. teacher: “Now we find that X is equal to zero. “Student: “Gee!All that work for nothing!”

◆Chem. teacher: “Can you tell me anything about the great chemists of the 19th century?”Student: “They are all dead, sir.”

◆Music teacher: “Who is the famous tenor in our city? And who is the famous bass?”Student: “When my father denou- nces me, he is a famous tenor.  When he speaks to my mother, he is a bass.”

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