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英语幽默笑话集锦
文章作者:admin    文章来源:高考英语网    点击数:   更新时间:2007-10-17
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First stud. : “How are a teacher and a railroad conductor alike?”Second stud. : “I don’t know. Can you tell me?”First stud. : “One minds the trains and the other trains the minds.”

“Aren’t you ashamed of your-self, Henry?”saidthe headmatser, ”You are the worst pupil in your class.” Henry replied, “What’s that gotto do with me?Isit my fault thatthe worst one was transferredto another school yesterday?”

Little Smith came home fromwith a new bookunder his arm. “It’s a prize, mother, ”he ex-plained. “A prize?What for, dear?” “For zoology. Teacher asked mehow many legs anostrich has and I said three.” “But an ostrichhas only two legs.” “I know it now. But all the pu-pils said four, so I was closest.”

An absent-min-ded professor was lecturing on anatomy. “To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to ex-amine it very carefully.” The professorunwrapped the parcel and saw that it contain-ed two sandwich-es and a boiled egg. Astonished, theprofessor said: “I was sure I hadeaten my lunch, but where is thefrog?”

First stud. : “What did you do with the cuffs I left on the table last night?”Second stud. : “They were so soiled I sent them to the laundry.” First stud. : “My gods, the entire history of England was on them.”

A son at colle-ge wrote his father: “No mon, no fun, your son. “The father an-swered: “How sad, too bad, your dad.”

“Say, dad, reme-ber that storyyou told me about when youwere expelled from college?” “Yes.” “Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that historyrepeats itself.”

“Where have you been for the last four years?”“At college taking medicine. ““And did you finally get well?”

The much pre-occupied profe-ssor walk intothe barber’s shop and sat in a chair next to a woman who washaving her hairbobbed. “Haircut, please, ”ordered the professor. “Certainly, ”said the barber. “But if you really want a haircut would you mind taking off your hat first?” The professorhurriedly re-moved his hat. “I’m sorry, ”heapologized as helooked around.” Ididn’t know there was a lady present.”

Teacher: “Didn’t Henry help you to this sum?”Pupil: “No.” Teacher: “Are you sure he didn’t help you?”Pupil: “No, he did not help me, he did it all.”

Teacher: “What do you call the last teeth we get?”Pupil: “False teeth.”

Geog. teacher: “What have the expeditions to the North Pole accomplished?”Pupil: “Nothing execpt to make the geography lessons harder.”

Teacher: “What animal is sa- tisfied with the least nou- rishment?”Robert: “The moth , teacher. It eats nothing but holes.”

“What he shapeof the earth?”asked the tea-cher of Jane. “It’s round, ”Jane said. “How do you know it is round, Jane?” “Oh, it’s square. I don’t want tostart an argu-ment about it.”

A school tea-cher who had been telling a class of smallpupil the story of the discoveryof America by Columbus endedwith: “And all this happened more than 500 years ago.” A little boy, his eyes wide open with wonder, said after a moment’s thought: “Gee!What a good memory youhave got.”

Teacher: “What are the pro- ducs of Cuba?”Boy: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Come, come!Where do you get sugar from?”Boy: “We borrow it from the next-door neighbour.”

Teacher: “The earth has an attractive power;that power is known as gravity. It is, in fact, the law of gravity which prevents us from being thrown off the earth as it revolves.” Pupil: “Please, teacher, how did we keep on the earth be- fore the law was passed?”

 

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